Always a Bridesmaid/Groomsman? 

While the traditional wedding season has historically been in June, the same-sex wedding season feels like it’s NOW!  

 Do you feel like you’re often in the wedding party, yet always a party of one?  When inside, you’re ready to be the one walking down the aisle for the ring and lifetime commitment?  I recently met a lesbian single who is attending a niece’s wedding this spring. Her strongest feeling of loneliness and longing for a partner is sparked by the thought of attending such a large family celebration without even a compatible date.  

 While she’s not yet ready for personal offline matchmaking, I can’t let her miss the opportunity to take pro-active steps now to be her own matchmaker. Sometimes it’s as easy as stepping away from the laptop, turning off your devices and trying different things. That’s what I’m hoping works for her and all LGBT singles. Here are some tips to help you become your own matchmaker:  

Get Fresh. A new or trendy top, jeans, or outfit can take years off your age and attitude, especially if the cute single stylist in the department store picks it out with you in person. Pair that with a self-imposed mini-makeover of teeth whitening, new trendy glasses frames or contacts. Top it off with a trendy hair cut or style from a new stylist—one who cuts someone’s hair that you admire. Now get out there!  

MeetUp. Check out the social online site of ONLY long enough to select three LGBT specific events to attend at least once to check them out. New ones are added weekly.  

Boots and Flowers

Volunteer. Sign up to work advocacy events, especially the registration table, for your passion, politics or pets. This is a great way to meet like-minded singles.  

Go Shopping. For up to two months, try a new coffee shop, gym, yoga studio or LGBT-friendly faith-based service. Be a visitor in your own city, but outside of your neighborhood.  

Break Up. For one month, change up your routine. Try out a different grocery store, dry cleaners, car wash or dog park to switch up being a regular. They’ll notice you as the newbie, as they are all new to you.  

Call Your Crushes. You know who they are, so set a goal to invite three of them to meet for a coffee, drink or open mic night. You’ll have fresh topics and places to discuss them. Plus, you’ll show your crush what a hip, or at least relevant, single you are in your city.  

Shoot for a Headshot. Before returning to social media, why not update your online profile, LinkedIn, Google+, Instagram and/or Facebook with a new photo shot by a real photographer with all the latest looks.  

Plan a Party. Buddy up with a friend or neighbor to co-host a social or mixer with a strategy to meet your goals. Every couple coming must bring a dateable single, for example.  

Start this season feeling refreshed, engaged and current. Whether you try any or all of the above, you’re going to be a more interesting single, meet a slew of new acquaintances, try new experiences and become more eligible than when your friend’s wedding invitation first arrived. Good luck!  


Tammy Shaklee is the Founder of H4M (He’s For Me) and a self-described Gay Matchmaker. For more dating tips and information on Tammy’s matchmaking business, please visit   


Tammy Shaklee